Just tell me how you feel..

I never thought I could relate to Miley Cyrus, but here I am, listening to "When I look at you" from the movie "The Last Song" - I can tell you that her new man, Liam Hemsworth, is one sexxxxxxy boy - I will also apologize now for my random rants/side notes. Anyway, this song gives me goosebumps, because for 1. I know what its like to look at someone and feel fully and completely safe and comfortable. Though in my situation, it is through a computer screen. Cheesy right? .. I know, but before you judge, read on and hear my story.
Sometime in July, I was invited to a friends camper at our town campground. I wasn't feeling it all that much, and truly didn't try to look 'nice' at all. Anyway, make a long story short - I met a guy named Phil from Ontario, we chatted all night and found out we had the same Birthday, I know what you're thinking, it must be fate right -- haha, so I thought. Once his friends decided they wanted to head to the bar in town, I agreed to drive Phil, since he was the only one who asked to come with me.. he learned a lot about me in the few minutes we were in a car together, asked me where I work, when I work, I introduced him to my car, showed him my house etc etc. I didn't figure I'd ever see him again. As he walked away he turned his head to watch me drive away.

10 or 11 rolls around the next day, and here I am, face to face with Phil, dressed in my wonderful work polo and beige khaki pants. He grins, and I couldn't believe he actually came. He had cleaned up from the night before, shaved, did his hair and so on. I personally thought it was odd. He stuck around for almost two hours.. as we talked about our lives and our plans for the future, he realized how long we had been chatting and thought it was best to head back to his campsite. (They had to leave for Ottawa that day) .. I walked him upstairs and he signed out guestbook, we exchanged emails and gave each other an innocent hug goodbye.
I watched him drive away in his pimped out black Volkswagen Golf, utterly shocked and excited about my new 'friend'.

I obviously added him to MSN and we chatted a few days later, I asked him how his drive was and so on.. I was excited to be talking to him, and by the way he was typing, I could tell he was either nervous, or excited as well. I told him we should exchange cell phone numbers so we could chat when I wasn't on my computer. Turns out he didn't want to give me his cellphone number because he had a girlfriend back home. Yeah, cute eh? He apologized, and I just told him it was uncommon for boys to make such an effort around 'here'. He then told me his girlfriend was 'unimpressed' and that maybe we shouldn't text anymore, so I wished him well and we said our goodbyes.

All along still having each others cell phone numbers, I decided maybe I should wish him a Happy Birthday on 'our' birthday. We talked again for a few days, but then again said our goodbyes.

A few months later I get a message from him, asking how I was. I found it odd, but I responded saying Hi and we started a chat again. He then begins to tell me he had dropped out of flight school because he hated it, and that he was moving everything out of his apartment. Once he arrived at his apartment, he asked me if I had skype, of course I did, and said yes. We talked for hours, and I was actually really nervous to go on camera, so we decided that cam and no audio was enough for our 'first time'.. - I told him it felt like a first date, and he agreed -
We then started talking again every once in a while, but then like usual, trailed off into our own lives and didn't talk anymore.

As I'm sitting in the Toronto airport at Christmas time, I remember him telling me he was trying to get a job there. So I messaged him, for curiosity's sake, saying I was delayed for 6 hours - but I just got a stupid boyish reply saying 'Aw, that sucks', nothing close to what I was looking for. So I didn't reply, and waited for him to message me.
I then get a message late one night, saying Hello, and wanting to start a conversation.. I figured it would be harmless so I continued to chat. But like always (I haven't mentioned this yet) it turns into some sort of, 'Chelsea please send me a picture' .. and I say no, roll over and go to sleep.

I then decide enough of that shit, all he ever wants is pictures, so I ignored him for a little while to see how he liked that. We then talked about how I felt, and he apologized saying that he was a 'gutless pig' but that he was horny and he thought I was sexy. Ha, they're all the same aren't they.

Though, the longer I ignored him, the more I wanted to talk to him, so we started talking again on skype, and may I add, we did 'talk' on skype.. it was something I looked forward to everyday. For almost two months, I didn't stop talked to him - I truly 'fell inlove' with a computerized image of Phil, the Phil I know is through a screen. We talked about how we wished we could see each other, I told him I'd do just about anything to see him, but we realized we may never actually see each other again.
Then one day he tells me he went on a date with a girl, so I told him to live his life and not worry about me. I knew I could find comfort in something eventually, but he told me it was only one date and that he'd talk to me tomorrow. A few weeks later though, I find out that he indeed did have a girlfriend - the one he went on a date with - and that was the end of our skype convos.
For two months, I didn't hear from him, it seemed like he was ignoring me.. but how did I know what was going on with his life, so I accepted it - he had a girlfriend and I wasn't a girl who could paint my name on him. Then I get a message from him late on night, apologizing for not talking for so long and saying he missed me.. I believed it but ignored him anyway. Three days later, I get another message asking me if I was alive, so I replied "Yeah lol why" (trying to be 'cold') and he just said that he was loading bags with labels from Halifax and that he thought of me. Aww, how cute.. not. I wasn't letting myself fall into the Phil trap again.
He then begins to tell me that he gets benefits from Air Canada as soon as work starts, and that he 'looked' to see how many flights leave from Toronto to Halifax. I told him not to get my hopes up, but he said that he truly did want to come and visit me. If it wasn't while I'm still at school, it would be this summer when I go to work in Ottawa.
Clearly, I'm ecstatic, just imagining what it would be like to see him walk through the arrival doors - even still makes my heart race. We continued to talk for a couple days, even skyped!, and he tells me that he's off to Jamaica for a few days within the week. Our conversation then died, and I didn't have anything to perk it up, so I left it be and ended it.
I messaged him last night though, just to wish him a good time.. he read it, and didn't reply. Typical right? .. I say I wont message him anymore until he messages me, but we'll see how long that lasts.

I just wish he'd come to see me.. it would be soo surreal. I never thought I would be able to see him again, but you never know where your life will take you.
But I am off, I must study - I have lots ahead of me. Thanks for listening!