Hello weekend..

Well, it's been a few days since I last wrote, and I assume not many of you took the time to read my 'novel' below. But if you did, congratulations - gold star for you! So with that, I will update you on the situation.. Phil has yet to bring up the subject of flying here, so I don't bring it up either. We've talked a few times, but not enough to satisfy my loneliness. The few times we did talk, it was about nothing important, a short hello and a grumpy chat (only because he wasn't going on his trip anyore), then a brief goodbye.
I wished him a good day yesterday, but no reply. Was I surprised, no..

So I ask myself this, why do I try to so hard to impress a guy I can't even be with. While he's living his own life and almost 20 hours away - I'm here in res, thinking about him everynight before I fall asleep. I wonder if he thinks of me, or whether he wonders if we'll ever see each other again. The thought of seeing him gives me butterflies like I've never had before, and I imagine what it would be like to actually touch him. I feel as if I'm holding on to something impossible, and I realize that, but there is this small glimmer of hope that I can't let go of. What if?.. What if?!
I know they say, if its meant to be it'll happen, but I can't just let it be, I can't sit here and forget about him. He did something to me, shot an arrow through my heart, and now he's got a hold of the end and can either pull it out and heal it, or leave it there and keep me around. I obviously can't tell him I have feelings for him because I would hear something along the lines of "Chelsea... I'm so far away, you can find someone there" but really.. I don't want to. I want to see what it would be like to be with him, even if we only got a few hours together, it would be worth it to me.

But then what about the goodbye..?